REPORT ON HASH NUMBER 1284 BY DEPUTY SCRIBE
DATE: TUESDAY 04 MAY 2010
PUB: THE PLOUGH, FAR FOREST
HARE: WELL LAID

A lovely sunny evening after a grey, cold, windy day. A beautiful trail in virgin territory to the south and west of Wyre Forest, where few of us knew where we were any of the time. The trail was between 4 and 5 miles, all up and downhill, with one particularly spectacular hash halt at the top of a grovel. Down downs went to the hare, Say No More for consorting with bad men on the trail, Tiler and Hay Fever for severe short cutting (I wondered why they kept appearing in front of me), and James, a virgin wearing new shoes. Thanks to Mark and Louise at The Plough for their hospitality and excellent Wood's beers plus Batham's.

Mona Lisa.

hash 1280. 6th April 2010. The Chase Inn at Upper Colwall
Hare: Kaptain Kremen


There was a good turnout tonight. I think people have been waiting all winter to come out hashing in the light. We had five virgins joining us for this very hilly 3 1/2 miles and we were shown up again by our youngest hasher, Jemma (now 10), who always manages, somehow, to get in front of me.

Down downs (in reverse order) were awarded to:
Hay Fever for wearing new shoes. Wally helped him out with this.
The 5 virgins plus Duncan who escaped last time.
Rhubarb for doing an impressively long false trail.
Our hare and RA because it was his birthday.

Thanks to The Chase and to the hare for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

REPORT ON HASH NUMBER 1279 BY DEPUTY SCRIBE
DATE: TUESDAY 30 MARCH 2010
PUB: THE FOX, HANLEY BROADHEATH
HARE: THE AMATEUR
Numbers were up, with 40 tackling the first daylight run of the year, plus Wrong nursing a bad back and only running to the first hash halt. As it was light we could see how cold, wet and windy it was. The trail was between 4 and 5 miles, downhill to the Dingle then back up over the fields, like last week superbly laid in sawdust. Down downs went to the hare, Shag again, through a straw, for repeated use of mobile phone on the trail, the 2 guests from Ludlow Runners Bottom Feeder and Sharon, Tarzan and Spudhead for starting the trail with their engine running to keep warm, and the R.A. himself for a hat trick of falls. Thanks to John and Sharon at The Fox for their hospitality and excellent own brewed beers plus Batham's.

Mona Lisa.

REPORT ON HASH NUMBER 1278 BY DEPUTY SCRIBE
DATE: TUESDAY 23 MARCH 2010
PUB: WYCH INN, MALVERN
HARES: LOST, BABUSHKA, PICKUP

This was the last dark run with the change of season, but spring had sprung a leak. Numbers were slightly down, but presumably will increase again with daylight. The trail was a genuine 4 miles, a devious route superbly laid in pale sawdust. I lost count of the number of times we grovelled up to "the gold mine", upwards, downwards, backwards, forwards. Great fun, and well thought out by John. Finally the expected sting in the tail up the Pixie Steps to the pub.
Down downs went to the hares, of whom Babushka drove down The Pimp, Shag for a pathetic little short cut under the R.A.'s nose, and Chainsaw Pete for mincing down the steps. Thanks to Tony and Steph at the Wych Inn for their hospitality and excellent local beers plus Straw Dog from Norfolk's Wolf brewery.

Mona Lisa.

Hash 1277, 16 March 2010. The Huntsman at Kempsey.
Hare: CoatHanger

It seems that Spring has finally sprung and after a glorious day we had a very pleasant evening although it was not quite warm enough to totally dispense with leggings, hats and jackets. We had a pleasant and incident free 5 mile hash from Kempsey common to Kempsey and back. It's funny how, some nights, you don't notice people on the trail but see them back at the pub afterwards. "Where were you?", "Weren't you running tonight?", "I didn't see you either" etc. It was one of those nights. Probably down to too much chatting!

Down-downs went to:
The Hare: Coathanger - thanks for a good hash.
Visitors: Ice Prick and his partner Just One More from New Zealand - Welcome to Malvern.
Misdemeanour: Gold Top for watching Football on someone's TV through their living room window.
New Shoes: Rhubarb. The choice was: go and get them, or drink out of the RA's shoes. The decision was easy. Her new shoes were surprisingly water/beer proof!

Thanks to Coathanger and to The Huntsman for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1276, 92 March 2010. The Bell Inn at St Johns
Hare: Unhinged

It was a lovely evening for an urban run tonight. It was cold but we were protected from that icy wind and we soon warmed up. We were joined by a visitor from the Glasgow Hash ('Huey' - although I can't possibly spell it the way he pronounces it! Just think Glasgow drunken hasher accent!! maybe 'Huuuuuueeeeeuuueeeyyy'). Unfortunately we lost him after a few miles - I think we must be a tad faster tham Glasgow. However..... We picked up a couple of ex-Singapore Hashers. 'Pippy Long Cockings' and her partner 'Jane Fondler' were out for a jog and came across us so joined in the fun. I know Jim had very little time to lay this trail tonight so It was really impressive that it took us on a grand tour of some of the best bits of Worcester including an amazing fountain that I never knew existed. I will have to find it again. We thought we had missed out on the shiggy tonight but we were wrong. Just before the ON-INN was an amazing swamp! There was no way around. There was no option but to get stuck in despite the attempts of several pussy-footers. Ohh! how we all love a bit of shiggy!

Down-downs went to:
'Unhinged' - Good hash but next time can we have a pub where we can park for more than two hours.
'Huey', our visitor - Yes he did make it back to the pub.
'Pippy Long Cockings', however - 'Jane Fondler' was at the bar so missed out!
'Happy Slapper' and 'Tits or Treats' - for cuddling, heavy petting, kissing, snogging and other things that are probably best not mentioned on a family friendly web site.
'Gone Commando' - for a great fall over a tiny mound. He then led the pack down a false trail so got an extra whisky chaser.

I hope we see our visitors again - Our trails are not all like this, guys!

Thanks to the hare and The Bell Inn for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

PS: Next week's hash is not on the web site yet - WebMaster is away. It is at The Huntsman at Kempsey. WR5 3JF. And.. we desperately need someone to lay the one for the week after. Apply to HareRaiser.

PPS: Last week I said I didn't know why our RA did the DDs with his pants down. I can now reveal. He had lost his notes so was performing by the seat of his pants - it was decided he should do it literally! The rest is history!

Hash 1275, 2 March 2010. New Inn, Storridge
Hares: Tiler, Pin Up, Camouflage
It was another near freezing night with clear skies but fortunately no wind. As expected, with three trusty old hares, we had a well laid trail which took us through a variety of landscapes but seemed to include an incredible amount of mud - actually it was just how we love it. We soon abandoned the idea of keeping our shoes clean and dry and just got stuck in. It was also a bonus to discover some new paths so close to home.

For some reason that I missed, The RA started the proceedings with his pants down. Someone please explain.
Down-downs went to:
The hares - good trail but why did 4 1/2 miles feel so long tonight?
Mona for deciding to celebrate his birthday by cycling a mile for every year of his life; he had to cover 66 miles.
Bristols for shamelessly publicising her exhibition at The Foal Yard, Bransford.

Thanks to the hares and the New Inn for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1274, 23 Feb 2010. Live and Let Live, Whitbourne
Hares: Say no More and Bristols

It was another cold night tonight. It had been a day of drizzle, sleet and snow so it wouldn't have been a load of fun laying this trail. The hares, however, did a brilliant job and the wood shavings not only survived but showed up well despite it snowing on us. However, I don't know how they found so much mud! We had one lovely slippy bank to negotiate which was reminiscent of migrating Serengeti wildebeest crossing the Mara River. Only the crocodiles were missing. Needless to say we had some spectacular tumbles.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The hares - well done girls, good trail.
A virgin - Sam, hope we see you again; it's not always so muddy.
A faller - camoflage. Actually there were loads tonight but SIX (yes six!) people grassed on Camoflage!
A Christening - For jumping over gates and nearly taking Ginger's nuts off he will now be known as Nut Cracker.

Thanks to the hares and the Live and Let Live for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1273, 16 Feb 2010. The Marlbank, Welland
Hares: Lost and 7/11

It was another very cold night tonight but not cold enough to freeze the mud and boy, did we find mud! Loads of mud but where was the flour? I think this was the first hash I've done where we've found NO flour, that was until we found the ON-INN. It would have been better if the hare could remember where he had laid the trail, but then he's not called Lost for nothing. As it was we had a very nice random ramble somewhere around Castlemorton Common.

Down-downs went to:
The hares: Because of the lack of trail, they got extremely small forfeits and I don't think it was beer.
The one remaining virgin: Mark - they're not usually like this mate. Two other virgins - Jude and Helen left early. We'll get you next time!
Drag Queen for a great fall into a very muddy ditch.
Pant Buster for using an American spelling in the hash ramblings. Doh! I blame my spell checker.
Pants On got his old hash handle (Gone Commando) back after a photograph of him finishing the May Hill Massacre appeared on the internet at http://www.mayhillmassacre.co.uk/index.cfm?page=photos&year=2010&gallery=finish WARNING! This is not for the faint hearted!

Thanks to the hares and to the pub for a great muddy tramp.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1272. 9 February 2010. Brintons Arms, Stourport
Hares: Tarzan and Spud Head

It was another near-freezing night tonight with lovely clear skies and excellent visibility. Because we were well into the Wyre Forest Hash territory, we were joined by a few of them, including Rank and his daughter Becky, The Saint and Shadow of Shag. The hash was a mixture of town and country and lots of checks and long false trails meant that we all did some checking and we actually saw our FRBs for once. It is nice to visit new places and this was a lovely area. It would be great to come back here in the summer. The lack of light pollution out here gave us a fantastic view of Mars, high in the sky and a lovely golden colour. The hares were, however, decidedly hair-brained at one point and managed to get half the pack lost because they couldn't remember where they had laid the trail and kept sending us the wrong way.

Down-down went to:
The Hares. Great hash guys.
A visitor - Becky. We enjoyed watching her pussy-footing through a muddy patch, trying to keep her lovely pink trainers clean. We took the liberty of christening her. She will now be known as Pussy-Foot.
Wrong for wearing new shoes despite protesting that they weren't new - he just hadn't worn them before. He had to drink his forfeit from them. He probably wished he had pussy-footed through all that mud!
Shag for falling uphill again and having another close encounter with a bush. Because he was driving, he drove it down Gate-Bolter

Thanks to the hares and the pub for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1271. 2 Feb 2010. The Cap and Gown, Worcester
Hares: Ginger Minge and Jelly Baby

Tonight was probably the first time this year we've not been running in sub-zero temperatures. It was actually a barmy 5 degrees although it did try to snow on us. For an urban hash we had a surprising amount of mud - I'm sure Ginger M told us last week that road shoes would be fine. Was he just pulling our legs? Considering that this was laid on Sunday and we've had plenty of snow and rain since then, it was amazing that there was any flour around. We did however have a very pleasant 4 1/2 mile hash, although some people took an alternative route round the wrong side of the race course and missed the last hash halt.

Down-downs went to:
The hares: Thanks for a nice winter hash. However because of the mud, Ginger Minge had a nice muddy beer.
A virgin - Dangerous Dave of lawn-mower racing fame. Hope we see you again.
Pants-On AKA Gone Commando for finally coming off the wagon and therefore being able to have a down-down.
Late for distributing his clothing around the pavement whilst changing and being confused for a tramp.

Thanks to the hares and The Cap and Gown for another great hash

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1270. 26 Jan 2010. The Bell at Lower Broadheath
Hare: Laceless

This was a Burn's night hash as well as being the hare's birthday but, due to the very cold weather, there were very few kilts and none were being worn in the traditional style. Fortunately there was no wind, no rain and no snow tonight so, once we got going, we were all nice and toasty warm. It was an expertly laid hash, just over 4 miles, with a bit of everything including mud. We shouldn't be surprised as Angie has had many many years of experience.

Down-downs went to:
The Hare - Thanks for the birthday cake.
Best dressed lady - Goody Gummy Goo Shoes
Best Dressed Man - Golden Shower
Gone Commando for abusing his name and not going commando! He was rechristened Pants-On and will remain so until he proves otherwise.

Thanks to the hare and The Bell for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1269. 19 Jan 2010. The Wyche Inn
Hares: Sybil and Shirt Lifter
There was a bitterly cold wind tonight and we were glad to find that instead of heading up to the windy Beacon, as we expected, we descended downhill in the shelter from the wind on some very slippery paths towards Colwall. We were, however, starting to get a bit worried by the amount of descending we were doing knowing we would have to climb all the way back up sometime. Something probably to be expected when you have a mountain goat for a hare. We did eventually climb all the way up to the ridge for fantastic night views with amazing visibility over Malvern and the Severn Plane. It was just as well we were nice and warm through all the ascending because it was perishingly cold up there. We returned to the pub after just a tad over 1 hour, a tad over 4 miles and a tad over 1,000 feet of ascent.

Down-downs went to:
The hares - Nice one sybil and Shirty
Half a Bag for a spectacular early fall.
Late for wanton vandalism - demolishing someone's Malvern stone wall and removing their hand-rail.
Trespasser for another spectacular tumble - You don't bounce so well at his age.
The Amateur for falling off the hill, only just being saved by being grabbed by The Pro.

It was decided that we would donate £250 to the air ambulance in memory of Trevor from the Brewer's Arms. It was apparently his favorite charity.

Thanks to The Wyche Inn and the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Subject: REPORT ON HASH NUMBER 1268 BY DEPUTY SCRIBE

DATE: TUESDAY 12 JANUARY 2010

PUB: CAMP HOUSE, GRIMLEY

HARE: OLLIE

The trail was about 4 miles, laid in pale sawdust on/in 3 inches of snow. 25 hardy souls enjoyed a circular route, north along the riverbank, and across to Sinton Green and Hallow, where the route split, although I didn't meet anyone who knew which was the short and which was the long route. I was lucky therefore to arrive back at the pub with the first group.
In the snow, many hashers lost all sense of direction or location.
All in all a fine achievement by both runners and hare in the severe conditions.
Down downs of the house cider went to the hare Ollie, the virgin Sarah (another of Well Laid's victims), Well Laid herself for falling as she got out of her car at the start, Virgin Plucker for monitoring last week's hash on his bike for the 4 who made it, and Dennis the Menace for short cutting then denying it to the R.A., all followed by super baguettes and chips. Thanks to Jim and his staff at the Camp.

Mona Lisa.

Hash 1267, 5 Jan 2010. The Marlbank at Welland
Hares: The Duchess and AlgieBra

More of a mash-up than a hash up tonight. There was a last minute change of venue due to the untimely and sad demise of Trevor, the landlord of the Brewer's Arms in West Malvern. The Duchess decided to lay this on Sunday before some very heavy snow showers which did make finding any flour on the night very challenging to say the least. She then decided to leave Malvern (-4 c) for Melbourne (+29 c) which was probably a great idea for her but didn't help the hash much. Then the second hare, along with most of us, was unable to get to the pub. Amazingly, four people did manage to get there and decided to opt for a short run in the snow before sensibly returning back to the pub for some well earned refreshment.
On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1266 Three Nuns colletts Green. Hare Trespasser

It was a shortish but very muddy (well most of it was mud) on a freezing cold
night braved only by around 20 hashers. We had horrible thoughts when the
trespasser told us there were 5 hh's especially as it was raining as well.
Everybody came back covered in mud due to the conditions and just before the
snow came down.
Down downs went to
Trespasser (the hare)
The Pro for trying to work out the route by asking the hare what sort of
trainers she should wear
Unhinged/ hash flash for blinding himself with the camera before the run and
then tripping over a pig trough.
Thanks to the 2 nuns and trespasser

On-On
Unhinged

Hash 1265 Berkeley Arms, Worcester
Hare: Mona

There was a relatively small turn out tonight for this frosty 5.3 mile Christmas light hash around the tacky (but fun) decorated houses in Worcester. There were numerous hash halts although I don't think most people noticed them all except for the very welcome sherry and mince pie stop. Despite the frosty and icy conditions, I don't think we had any slippages although there were some very close shaves. It was good to see Mona back out in fully working order and Scary Witch AKA Jemma Roode (age 9) despite doing a large part of the trail in a supermarket trolley! How did she escape a down-down? There was a good assortment of Christmas regalia out including fairies, Fairy lights, a pixie (suffering from very cold dangly bits), Father Christmass, tinsel, baubles and other assorted seasonal artefacts.

Down-downs went to:
The hare - Mona. Nice Christmas route and a great Hash Halt
Best Father Christmas - Wrong
Lubby Dubby couples for cuddling and holding hands on the trail:
Happy Slapper and Tits or Treats
Golden Shower and Bristols -Bristols drove hers down Shag

There seemed to be a lot of Hash Huddling tonight to share a bit of warmth around - we like a good excuse for these.

Thanks to the Berkley Arms and Mona and his family for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1264. The Unicorn, Malvern
Hares: Unhinged, Pant Buster

It was a damp night for this Christmas carol hash which had 5 carol stops in about 5 miles. Somehow part of the pack managed to loose the trail, possibly because it overlapped the St Trinians hash and the flour was still there, and they decided to short-cut back to the pub. The remainder of the pack muddled on. A break-away group managed to add in an extra 4 hash halts at The Nag's Head, The Express Inn, The Baker's Arms and Priory Croft as well as hash crashing the theatre and paying a visit to Red Flasher in the Splash gym. One of the hash halts was outside her house but she wasn't there.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The hares - Unhinged and Pant Buster (Again!)
A virgin - Alison Hughes was Buttle (but might be Buttle again soon!)
Gone Commando and Shag for their unscheduled beer stops. (There were others)
Nick Hitchings who got Christened.

Alison confessed that she once lived near a colourfull gay street in Manchester called Cannal Street but two letters were always missing from the road signs. As a result she was christened "-annal -treet".
Nick was christened "Up for it" because he was!

Thanks to The Unicorn for putting up with us and to the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1263. 8th Dec 2009. Malvern RFC Xmas Hash
Hares: Shag, Gone Commando and Pant Buster

The theme for this hash was anything beginning with the letter 'H' and there was a great variety tonight. Amongst others, we had some Hells Angels, a Henry (vacuum cleaner), several [w]hores, some Heidis, a hedgehog, King Harold, Harpo, a few hippies, The Hulk, some Hawaii hula girls, a hoodie, a housewife, some Harry Potters and even his friend Hermione Granger. We had a fairly short hash with just one hash halt outside Halfords then straight back to the Rugby Club for jacket potatoes with chilli or curry and then dancing with our usual excellent caleigh band where we had a great evening.

Down downs went to
The hares: Shag, Gone Commando and Pant Buster
Best man costume - Henry the vacuum cleaner
Best lady costume - Sonic the hedgehog

Thanks to the rugby club for putting up with us again, to Grandma and his team for the food and the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1262. 1 December 2009. The Three Horshoes, Barnards Green
Hares: Screwloose and Camouflage

It was not a nice night for being outside but fortunately the icy drizzle stoped just in time for us. We might have stayed in the pub otherwise - it was lovely and warm in there. We were glad to start running and get warmed up and it turned out to be a nice evening. The run was just a tad under 6 miles but very level for a nice change and there was no skimping on the mud either.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The Hares: Screwloose and Camouflage. I bet you got wet laying this one.
Bell End, a visitor from Milton Keynes. Hope we see you again
Mona, back after a long break and still in short shorts.
Hash Flash AKA Unhinged for forgetting his torch and for a good fall.

Thanks to the Three Horseshoes for good beer, food and entertainment and to the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe
Hash 1261. 24 November 2009. The Prince of Wales, Malvern
Hares: Gone Commando, Miss Whiplash, Pant Buster

It was not great weather for hashing so we had a short one tonight with just two hash-halts. The theme was St Trinians and there was a good turn out of appropriately attired school girls and a selection of hockey sticks. The route managed to pass at least six schools. The first hash-halt was a school milk stop outside Dyson's and the second was a detention stop with Miss Whiplash in cap and gown giving out canings. Unfortunately the naughtiest offenders, including Gone Commando, Wrong and Shag, managed to get lost and miss the stop. We will get them later!

Down-down went to:
The hares - Gone Commando and Pant Buster. (Miss Whiplash had vanished)
Danny, a Virgin from Germany. Hope we didn't scare you off!
Matt and Matt who missed their down-downs last week. They were christened and will now and forever more be known as Bath Mat and Grinder
Rhubarb for head butting a tree. Ouch!
Well Laid because it was her birthday.
Wrong for managing to loose his skirt as well as the entire tail end of the pack.

Thanks to The Prince of Wales for school dinners and to the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1260. 17 November 2009. The Virgin Tavern, Tolladine
Hare: Wrong. AGM Hash

When the hare told us this would be the antithesis of last weeks hash, we thought he meant it would be short, on the level and with lots of checks. Instead, I think he meant there would be hardly any flour. This was laid in Wrong's usual way of "One and you're on" and no false trails, although he forgot to mention this at the start. He did, however, mention that the second section was "confusing". He had run it four times and got lost each time! He nearly made it five times as he couldn't remember where he had laid the trail and tried to lead the entire pack the wrong way.

We started our AGM at the second hash halt. There were no changes to the mis-management from last year, ie:
GM (Grand Master) will stay with Kaptain Kreman
RA (Religious Adviser) with Ginger Minge
Hare raiser with Trespasser
Hash Cash with Ever-Ready and Jelly-Baby, and presumably Mouth to Mouth
Webmaster with The Amateur
Choir Master with Drag Queen
Hash Horn with The Amateur
Hash Scribe with Pant Buster
plus a few assorted deputies.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Bi-Curious for another spectacular tumble. This is becoming a bit of a habit.
Sybil also for a good tumble.
The entire mis-management ie: Kaptain Kreman, Ginger Minge, Trespasser, Ever-Ready, Jelly-Baby, The Amateur and Pant Buster.
That was a lot of beer to down tonight.

Thanks to The Virgin Tavern and the hare for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

PS We need a deputy Hash Scribe for the nights when I'm not there. Volunteers can apply here.

Hash 1259. 10th November 2009. The Nag's Head, Malvern
Hares: Matt and Matt (or not) plus others.

When we have virgin hares we expect loads of flour and tonight was no exception. It was said that some people lay a hash with less flour than was used just to mark out the hash halts and they had enough left for a few smiley faces. Apparently the four hares laid this one in two teams of two and both teams decided to take us up the Hill and down again giving us a very tough 6 miles which took us nearly 2 hrs. Although it was a cool damp night, we were soon warmed up with all that climbing and we had great views from the Hill - both times! It was a very fast and spread out hash due to the scarcity of checks and abundance of arrows, despite it being usually either too steep to run up or too steep to run down.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The four hares.
Bi-Curious for his heavy breathing PLUS falling.
Kaptain Kreman for winning a bet with Ginger about the identity of Bi-Curious.
Gone-Commando and Shag for blaspheming and bum watching! This was nominated by Bristols and she specified the forfeit should be very cheap and very cold. They got an icy, fizzy blackcurrant juice with Tabasco.
Scott got christened and will now be known as Balboa
Ginger Minger for new shoes. He downed his from a very muddy running shoe and I don't think it was only mud. It certainly didn't look very new!

Thanks to The Nag's Head and all the hares for another great hash.

On-on

Hash Scribe

Hash 1258. 3 November 2009. The Cross Keys, Suckley
Hares: Seaman Staines and Ginger Plonker

Bonfire Night Hash. The weather starts to change quickly this time of year and tonight seemed to be particularly chilly - my leggings had their first outing for the season. We managed to escape the rain but I doubt if the hares did when they laid this one - some of that flour looked very soggy. We were treated to a beautiful full moon and that amazing visibility that you only get after a good downpour. It's lovely when you can run in the dark by moonlight alone. The run was around four [nautical] miles through lovely mixed countryside and largely on the Boxing Day run course and we had a great firework display at the third hash halt. Somehow tonight we managed to finish with a lot more hashers than we started off with.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The hares: Seaman Staines and Ginger Plonker - good hash.
The Juggler for failing to follow hash etiquette and leaving mud on top of a stile while tying his shoe laces.
Pantbuster for wearing new shoes. Didn't drink from them because that smelly shiggy wasn't entirely mud!
and four virgins - hope we see you again.

Thanks to the Cross Keys and the hares for another great hash.

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Hash 1257. 27th Oct 2009 The Crown, Hallow
Hares: Tits or Treats and The Pro

Halloween Hash. It was an amazingly warm night tonight. I just love these Indian Summers. There was a great turnout of assorted costumes - some people had made a really good effort. We ran a great route which included two grave yards, one with loads of pumpkins, and had a welcome stop for mulled wine, beer and trick-or-treat goodies.

Down-downs went to:
The hares: Tits or Treats and The Pro. Well done!
Three virgins - hope we see didn't scare you off.
Wrong for best dressed. His make-up had run and his face looked like raspberry ripple ice-cream! (Ho ho)
Drag Queen - we weren't sure if he had a corpse on his back or he had come as a spider!
Angie for providing some really great pumpkins - they must have taken ages to carve!
Jemma for being the scariest witch. She will now be known as The Scariest Witch

Thanks to The Crown and everyone else for another really great hash.

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Hash 1255. 13th Oct 2009 The (New) Morgan, Malvern
Hare: Kaptain Kreman

We started off running down lots of twisty passages that I never new existed and inevitably headed up the hill. I love the views over Malvern and the Severn Valley that you get from the Hill on a good clear night and tonight was really good. (I was walking, not because of the climb but to appreciate the view!) We got back to the pub after a very pleasant 4 1/2 miles in the middle of their quiz night which I think we somewhat disrupted.

Down-downs went to:
The hare: Kaptain Kreman.
The Juggler - for going to the wrong Morgan pub. That one isn't there any more!
Shag - for his dirty pants.
Pantbuster - for sending Mrs Pantbuster out to see the trail being laid.

Thanks to The Morgan and the hare for another great hash.

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Hash 1254 6 Oct 2009 The Marlbank, Welland
Hare: The Pimp

A 5 1/2 mile hash but some people only did 2 on account of finding the last hash halt prematurely!

Down-downs went to:
The hare - The Pimp,
5 virgins
Gentle Touch who's wind-up torch broke

Thanks to The Marlbank and the hare for another (apparently) great hash.

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Hash 1253. 29th Sept 2009 Kings Arms, Ombersley
Hares: Jelly Baby and Gingernuts Cream

The girls were very gentle with us tonight and we had a lovely 4 1/2 mile run with some amazing views and, unusually, no mud. There seemed to be a lot of false trails tonight or maybe we were missing our FRBs but it was good to be doing a lot of checking for a change.

Down-down went to:
The Hares - Jelly Baby and Gingernuts Cream
Trespasser for running in new shoes. He drank his forfeit from them!
Bi-curious for a spectacular fall into a ditch
Lassie for creative use of (unrepeatable) language
Golden Shower for breaking down and then managing to persuade a visiting French hasher to push his car!

Thanks to The Kings Arms and the hares for another great hash.

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Hash 1251. 15th Sept 2009 40 Montpelier Rd, West Malvern
Hares: The Bisto Kid, AKA Lost, Babushka

Tonight was our annual barbecue hash and we had a nice short, although very hilly, uneventful 4 mile hash.

Down-downs went to:
The hares,
Golden Thong for his trendy taped up trainers.
Glam Gran for doing the splits,
Never ready for using her torch while it was still light.
Golden Shower because he still hasn't decided where to run next weeks hash from.
Grandma for hosting the barbecue

Thanks to the hares and Grandma for another great hash

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Hash 1250. 8th Sept 2009 Red Lion, Powick
Hare: Hash Crash

A longer than usual hash tonight and I think we had just about every type of terrain. Without the short-cut it was just under 6 miles. When a pub has new managers they often treat us well and tonight's nosh was an excellent hash-hash.

Down-downs to:
The Hare - Hash Crash AKA Not Jim
Daisy who we haven't seen since 2007
Tits or Treats because we appreciated her split trousers.
Leon for his new shoes. He'll learn - especially since he had his beer from them!
Ginger for short cutting.

Thanks to The Red Lion's new owners and the hare for another great hash

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Hash 1249. 1st Sept 2009 Galton Arms, Himbleton
Hares: Happy Slapper and Tits or Treats

One of our hares seemed to be missing again tonight but we still had a nice 5 mile hash. We only just finished before it got dark, which was just as well as there weren't many torches out. The pub seemed to be very posh so I hope we didn't scare the locals.

Down-downs went to:

T or T - our lonely hare.
Shag - for getting a wet BTM.
Well Laid - for getting Shag wet.
Ginger Minger - for surviving his four week honeymoon.
Gingernuts Cream - for wearing out Ginger Minger!

Thanks to the Galton Arms and the Hares for another great hash.

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Hash 1247. 18th Aug 2009 Brewers Arms, West Malvern
Hares: The Bisto Kid (AKA Lost) and Babushka

A short hash tonight although there seemed to be a lot of hash-halts - were there 4 or 5?

Down-downs went to:
The hares,
2 virgins - Lawrence and Edward.
The Pro for being an exhibitionalist

Thanks to The Brewer's Arms and the hares for another great hash.

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Hash 1246. 11th Aug 2009 The Lamb, West Malvern
Hares: Panbuster and Algie Bra

It was a lovely warm night tonight for this short 4 mile hash. The beers in the grit-bin at the second hash-halt were very welcome. It was a shame that Pantbuster missed his own hash! There were, however, plenty of beers and ice still there for him next day.

Thanks to The Lamb and the hares.

Hash 1244, 28 July 2009. The Fox @ Hanley Child
Hares: The Amateur and Captain Cave Man

Tonight we started in light drizzle which put off one of our hares from venturing out of doors all together. I think we can excuse him though as, at just 13, he is our youngest hare ever. He missed a lovely route of a tad over 5 miles. The rain soon stopped and we got some lovely views. It is, however, a good thing that we all love mud! We had a few encounters with cows which The Pro expertly herded away from us. We also had our youngest hasher tonight - Gemma, who is only 9, did really well keeping up with us once she realised that it didn't matter getting wet and muddy and jumping in puddles is still fun.

Down-downs went to:
The hares - well done The Amateur and Captain Cave Man, nice trail. Two virgins: Gemma and Wills - hope we see you again. Camouflage for his command over animals. In the field of cows, he shouted WALK! and the cows obediently obliged. Hash Crash for not being able to tie his laces despite his advanced age. Vache Fou (or should that be folle) for having deserted us for so long - welcome back.

Thanks to the Fox for good food and cheap beer and to the hares for another great evening.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1243, 21 July 2009. The Chestnut Tree @ Lower More.
Hares: Cuckoo Clock & Duvet Lifter

Why is it that, just lately, we've been having such wet Tuesdays but have still managed to avoid running in the rain. This week was yet another one and we were lucky there was any trail left after torrential downpourings all day. Tonight we had a "Wedding Dress" hash to commemorate Cathy and Ginger Minger finally tying the knot and we were treated to a lovely array of blushing brides and assorted wedding regalia. Unfortunately our brides looked worse for wear after all the shiggy and other obstacles that we had to negotiate on an epic and grueling 6 mile hash. Fortunately the hares decided to cut 2 or so miles out and we short cutted back to the pub. They will be forgiven, however, on account of the copious amounts of Bucks Fizz supplied at the second hash halt.

Down-downs went to:
The hares - Everyone underestimates their first hash! We'll recover although the dresses might not. Cathy & Ginger Minger, The Bride and Groom, Good luck & Best wishes. Cathy will, from now on, be known as "Ginger Nut Scream" Unhinged for his Olympic dive into a 2 inch puddle. Are you practicing for 2012? Two virgins; Carol and Tessa - hope we see you again. By the way, we don't always dress like that! Grandma for covertly getting married last Friday, and falling off his bike. We don't know if these two events are related.

Thanks to the hares and The Chestnut Tree and the weather for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1242. 14th July 2009. The Swan @ Newland
Hares: Gone Commando, Tits & Treats, and Shag

As this was Bastille Day, the theme just had to be French and there was a great turn out of French costumes. We had Tour de France cyclists, a Marcel Marceau mime artist, a Charles de Gaulle, four musketeers and plenty of French maids and onion sellers. Despite starting in light drizzle, we soon had some lovely French sunshine. We started off cross country but soon found ourselves in the retail park amongst some very surprised shoppers where we had French wine and birthday cake; it happened to be Tits & Treats's birthday. We had more wine at the second hash halt as well - it was a well lubricated hash! At the third halt, at the Link water feature, there was a competition to find something French. From there we were On-Inn back to the pub where we had an excellent beef bourguignon.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The three hares. Well done Gone Commando, Tits & Treats, and Shag - great hash.
Our 8, yes 8, virgins: Sue, Sam, Joe, Sheila, Jenny, Mark and Stuart, all Malvern Joggers. The girls were all dressed as French maids with garters.
Sybil for best costume - he was Charles de Gaulle.
Unhinged found the French object and won a bottle of French bubbly - The object was a French Letter (unused)!

Thanks to the hares and The Swan for another great hash.

Hash 1241 - 7 July, The Old Bush at Callow End. Hare: The Juggler.

Hash Scribe is back!

The hare must have had a soggy sad time laying this one - it had rained on and off, sometimes quite hard, all day long. Fortunately the sun shined on us for the actual hash and we ran on a glorious Summer evening - lovely and warm and sunny. It wasn't hot enough, however, to dry up the puddles and we met one that there was no avoiding - deep, smelly and too big to jump over or to go around. No choice but to get stuck in! I was thankful that I didn't get a down-down for my new shoes - I wouldn't have wanted to drink from them after that! They certainly don't look so new now. We were accompanied by at least 4 dogs tonight. Soon they will be outnumbering us two legged runners. Why is it they love the water so much?

All this hot and wet weather is making the vegetation grow incredibly fast and tall. Us vertically challenged runners are at risk of getting lost in it - it's just not right, somehow, to be smaller than the grass and there was some very tall grass on route.

Someone managed to step on a wasp's nest and they weren't overjoyed about it (the wasps that is!). In fact they seemed quite angry and decided to take it out on us. Glam Gran was the first to encounter their wrath followed by Kerb Crawler, Unhinged, 7-11 and several others. They managed to get quite a good collection of stings between them. The rest of the pack decided to find an alternative route around them and picked up the trail further on.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The Hare - The Juggler. Nice hash.
7-11 randomly got blamed for the wasps. Haven't been there before!
Algie Bra and Catherine for short cutting. Tut tut! I don't think you were alone.

Thanks to The Old Bush and the hare for another great hash. It's great to be back.

On-on
Hash-Scribe

Hash 1238, 16 June, [S]Express Inn @ Malvern. Gone Commando & Pantbuster

The weather tonight was perfect for hashing, just as well really as the theme was "Ann Summers" and there was plenty of exposed flesh and a great display of costumes. I am amazed what people found in their wardrobes! We ran from the Express Inn to our first halt at The Nag's Head then to Waitrose car park, the Priory, and a Hash Crash through the Malvern Theatre to our second halt on the band stand. The Theatre was busier than expected and we did raise one or two quite surprised reactions from assorted theatre goers. We then went through The Splash gym and through Vikki Sivertsen's body attack class for our second Hash Crash of the evening. Sorry Vikki, we couldn't resist it. Having caused quite enough disruption around town, we went to the Nag's Head for the second time tonight, then on to Gone Commando's house for "sex on the beach" cocktails. Excellent recipe, just what we needed! It was a short run back to the pub to finish a hilarious 4 mile hash.

Down-down were awarded to:
The hares, Gone Commando and Pant Buster. Thanks.
Three namings:
Ginny Sharp will now be known as Miss Whiplash. Nice spankings Ginny!
Paul Newman as Marathong. That mankini is just so scary!
LowMo was renamed Buy curious. He couldn't decide which changing room in Matalan to use.
Viv Trolley, a virgin. Hope we didn't scare you off Viv.
Mona for his interpretation of the theme. Best dresed (NOT!) well it was original I suppose!

Thanks to everyone for another great evening.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1237, 9 June, Button Oak @ Kinlet. Hares: Half a Bag and Well Laid

We love running in new locations and we love running in the Wyre Forest. It is a shame it is so far from Malvern which sadly reflected on the turnout tonight. We were taken on a random route through very varied terrain in a lovely part of the Forest that we have not been to before. We soon found out why the Hares were worried about loosing someone - that was some lonely bit of forest. We were treated to some fantastic woodland with amazing smells of newly cut pine and fresh bracken, lots of checks and false trails, four lovely miles and four hash halts. We were not disappointed by a lack of mud either - we found it in many forms from the slippy slimy to the sloppy squelchy, but more on my exhaustive mud classification another day. At one point we went past a sign that declared "Unauthorised entry is an offence under the official secrets act". We went in anyway! I have since discovered it is a, still active, secret rocket fuel testing station.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The hares, Half a bag and Well laid. Great hash - thanks,
Shag for a 10/10 dive into the mud. Can we have a replay?
Cat, a virgin. Hope we didn't put you off hashing.
Trigger, following us on his bike. Great to see you again.
Stud for unsuccessfully breaking into his mum's car. Nice alarm Shona!

Thanks to the Button Oak and the Hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1236. 2 June 09. Malvern Cricket Club. Hare: Wally

Today was the warmest day of the year so far, and it was a glorious evening for hashing. We were warned that it would be 10 miles - if you did all the false trails! I had no intention of doing such a thing especially in that heat and finished in nearer to 5 miles. We had a very big turn out tonight  - Wally must have a reputation for good hashes, and this one was no exception. We were taken to places and along paths that I've never been to before despite having run around this area for years. We went generally across the Common and down towards Madresfield before returning back to the Cricket Club.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Wally, the Hare. Great Hash Wally and a well downed pint! (as usual)
Three virgins, Anita, Jenny and Leon. Hope we see you all again.
Dr Panic for getting married 6 weeks ago. I think he's only just been let out!
Shag for new shoes. He had a pint of "Sports Drink" to down from his shoe! It was some alcoholic concoction of our RA's, I wouldn't bother asking him for the recipe - it didn't look nice.

After forfeits, Wally got Shag and GoneCommando to walk blindfolded through the sprinkler on some pretense or other (What a laugh!), then we played Wally's usual "round the stump" game, drank lots of beer, did a lot of falling over, and had a great evening in the last of the sunshine.

Thanks to the Cricket Club for feeding and putting up with us, and to Wally for another great hash.

On-on
HashScribe

Hash 1235, 26 May 09, The Green Dragon @ Bishops Frome. Hare: Sybil

Bishops Frome is just too close to Frome Hill and since tonight's hare is a mountain goat, we were not surprised by the route of this hash. It was very chilly at the start but there's nothing to warm you up like a good hill climb and we were soon working up a good sweat. Sure enough we got to the top of the hill but then started to descend the other side. We thought we were in for a very long run but somehow Sybil managed to get us back having covered around just 4 1/2 glorious miles. It is a couple of years since we've been here and I'd forgotten that this pub is bigger inside than outside! They provided huge, generously filled sandwiches and plenty of hot chips.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Sybil, the hare - Great hash Sybil.
Jack, a virgin - well downed mate. Hope we see you again.
EverReady for her appalling shoes - I missed them, what were they?
PantBuster for farting while running. I can't believe 4 people dobbed me in!

Thanks to Sybil and the Green Dragon for another great hash.

On-on
HashScribe

Hash 1234, 19 May. Rose and Crown @ Feckenham, Hare: Ginger Plonker

It's always nice to meet old friends again (as well as "old" friends) and tonight's hare was someone we haven't seen for ages. It was also nice to see Seaman Staines again who we also haven't seen for a while. We were really lucky with the weather as it had been raining heavily all day but it turned out to be a lovely evening. As this was our 1234th Hash, the chosen theme was numbers. There was a good effort and for some reason, the most popular number was 69, but the best had to be our two fat ladies - 88! They did a brilliant job with the help of loads of padding, tape and oversized tee-shirts.

We don't often venture out as far away as Feckenham but it is lovely hashing countryside and we had a glorious hash. We were warned it would be muddy in places and when I heard Trespasser say: "It's so long since he's hashed, he's forgotten what real mud is.", I knew he was tempting fate! Well it HAD been a wet day and we DID find mud. There comes a time sometimes, when running through mud, that you stop trying to keep your feet clean and dry and just try to stop slipping up and falling over in it. This was just such an occasion - there was no escaping the mud but I don't think we had any fallers. We eventually finished after 4 1/2 miles in need of a jolly good wash.

I think I missed the point of the hats. In the pub we were all given a fez to wear and asked: "How was the hash?". The correct response was: "Just like that!" in a Tommy Cooper style. Ginger Plonker or Mrs Plonker must have been very busy as there were loads of them and they were all really well made.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Ginger Plonker - the hare. Nice hash Ginger.
Wally for rearranging a signpost at a crossroads. I don't think he was alone.
Ever-Ready and Knotted-Kickers for best costumes. Well done 88s!
The Amateur for drinking the wrong down-down last week. The real one was spiked!
The Amateur got a pint of mash and was warned it would be painful to drink.
The girls drove their beers down Gone-Commando (for perving!) and Kaptain Kreman (for best drag).

The answers to Kaptain Kreman's quiz - "What numbers am I dressed as" were, Legs 11, PC 49 and Danny La Rue 52. If you weren't there you can guess what his costume was!

Thanks to the Rose and Crown for putting up with us and providing excellant food and to Ginger Plonker for another great hash.

On-on
Hash-Scribe
Hash 1233, 12 May. The Duke William @ Callow Hill. Hare Wrong

Tonight we were so far into the Wyre Forest Hash territory that we overlapped their last hash. It was, however, definitely worth the journey as it was a lovely evening, once out of the wind, and the forest was absolutely fantastic. Shag was inspired to take pictures for a "Hashing Ladies" calendar amongst the bluebells but it won't be competing with the WI - all our ladies stayed fully clothed! The run was laid in Wrong's usual format - "one and you're on", starting at the Visitor Centre and finishing 5 miles later on the largest ON-INN we've seen, thanks to a huge pile of sawdust he conveniently found. (It's not so huge now!)

Down-downs to:
The Hare - Wrong.
The Amateur for wearing new shoes despite insisting they weren't
Cuckoo-Clock for FRBing.
Compost for donating the sawdust.

Thanks to Wrong for another great hash and the pub for looking after us.

On-on
Hash-Scribe

5 May, Hash 1232. The Three Kings @ Handey Castle. Hares: Camouflage, Tiler & ScrewLoose5

When three Hares lay a hash, we usually get a well laid run with long false trails, which are great for keeping the FRBs in the pack, and this was no exception. I'm not sure exactly where this one went as I got completely lost and found the ON-INN after just over a mile. The Pimp (Who eventually caught up with me) and I knew we must have gone wrong! I was wondering why no-one followed me despite shouting ON-ON as loud as I could. Fortunately we could hear our hash-Horn in the distance and we found the pack just before the second Hash-Halt. It made a nice change to have a relatively flat Hash tonight and the countryside around there is lovely and it's always a treat to see a sunset over the Malvern Hills.

Down down went to:
The three hares: Camouflage, Tiler & ScrewLoose. Well done - except for joining the start to the end!
- Camouflage nominated Wally, but so do we all! He's just so good at it
Shag for phoning sex lines during the Hash! (Is this true?)
Gone Commando for aiding and abetting Shag. I can believe that!
Gold-Top who's dog, Toby, nearly castrated Skid-Mark. He wasn't allowed to drive his forfeit down the dog! (Shame)
The Duchess - Nice to have you FRBing with us again after 6 months in Aus. Welcome back!

On-on
Hash-Scribe

28 April, Hash 1231. The Wellington Inn @ Chances Pitch. hares: Babushka and The Bisto Kid (nee Lost)

This was our annual blue-bell hash and it is not easy to predict when they will be at their best several weeks beforehand, but as usual Babushka was very close and we were not disappointed. We had a very large turnout and were joined by four virgins. We were taken up the Ridgeway, along the Landrover Experience route which was lovely and muddy, down to Gullet Quarry through fantastic beds of blue bells then a steep climb up to somewhere with fantastic views. Where was that? We got back to the pub via another long climb up to the Eastnor Obelisk, down through the deer park then back up the Ridgeway to that hidden path back to the pub.

Down-downs were awarded to:

The virgins: Alli, Elaina, Dave and Rachel. (Excuse my spelling)

A Visitor: LowMo who loved the hills - NOT!

The Amateur for organising a brilliant Hash weekend.

The Pro for her colour coordinated eye shadow, and harassing the hostel warden!

On-on

Hash Scribe.

21 April 2009, Hash 1230 The Bridge at Stanford. Hare: Shag

We were told this was going to be the "Mother of all Hashes"! 5 1/2 miles with 5 Hash-Halts, 1130 feet of ascent with some prize racing included. We set off in a chilly breeze towards Great Witley but soon warmed up with all the up-hill climbing. We were surprised to find ourselves as far away as Abberley Hall School. When accosted by someone telling us we were on private land and asking where we were going, our hare replied "Walsgrove Hill". "Surely you're not going to run up there," she said, "You'd have to be crazy to try that!". Well... we soon found ourselves at the bottom on the Red Marley Hill Climb course. On the Hash-Horn we were off. Sibbel trotted up while most of us had a job just scrambling up on all fours. The view from the top, however, was amazing with a fabulous sunset over the Shropshire countryside. The remainder of the hash was a well deserved mostly down hill run through lovely woodland with early Spring flowers and open countryside with occasional glimpses of the distant Malvern Hills and a lovely pink and blue evening sky. We finished in dusk in just under 2 hours feeling we had had a lovely run and looking forward to quenching our thirsts with a well deserved beer.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Shag, the Hare. Well done - nice hash
Mona for walking to the wrong pub from the train station last week and then for phoning his wife up to pick him up and take him to the correct pub! How do you get away with that?
Half a Bag, because we liked her showing off her new convertible. Nice!
Well Laid, for managing to set off the alarm on Half a Bag's new car. How?
Paul Hill for walking up Walsgrove Hill to take photos of us doing the hill climb. Thanks.

Catherine and Wally won bottles of wine for the hill race. We weren't sure who were first so they went to the last man and lady.

Well done and thanks to the Bridge and to Shag for another great and memorable Hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe


14 April, Hash 1229. BerKeley Arms, Spetchley. Hares: Ginger Minge and Chain Saw

This was a wedding hash to see off our Jelly Baby and Mr Jelly Baby and there was a good turnout of assorted wedding regalia for the occasion including a good number of wedding dresses - some of which fitted better than others! We were promised 4 miles with 3 hash-halts. This was a very rural run, I think the hares were very shy brides, and the village of White Ladies Aston must be the quietest in Worcestershire! We had Bucks Fiz at the second HH and jelly baby cakes at the third. Excellent - we all love treats on the run. Everyone's politeness was tested during an on-route photo session when stink bombs were set off - Pheeew! that was just too powerful and so realistic but nobody commented on it. What a polite lot us hashers are.

Very cold Down-downs to:
Ginger Minge and Chain Saw, the hares.
Jelly Baby, well it had to happen.
The Abbot and Goody Gue-Shoes, visitors from Montreal.
7-11 for being the best bride.
Wrong - So so wrong to pee while dressed like that!

It was a good hash of a tad over 5 miles. Thanks to the Berkeley Arms and the hares for another great evening.

On-on
Hash Scribe.

Hash 1228, 7 April 2009, The Swan @ Wittington. Hares: Skid-Mark and Gold-Top

Being Easter, this was an Easter Bonnet run and there was a motly assortment of headgear being sported. We were promised two hash halts with a short-cut from the second one. We set out over the motorway with a cool breeze in our faces and soon encountered the first nettles of the year. The pace seemed quite fast as the checks were few and had all been checked out so when we arrived at the second HH at around 3 miles, about half the group opted for the short-cut. They had not expected it to be actually longer than the long way back! Nice one hares! The final distance was around 5 1/2 miles.

The Swan put on a selection of sandwiches and vegitarian wraps (Not rats!) for us. It seemed a very posh pub for us hashers and it was full of people trying to have a civilised meal so we found a secluded and cosy (very cosy) space in a conservatory.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The Hares: Skid-Mark and Gold-Top. Good one.
Lassie for sporting the best bonnet. Well played Lassie.
Gone-Commando for his amazing Paris marathon time of 3:45. What were you on mate?
The Pimp for his comment: "Why are people wearing hats tonight?" - Doh! Easter!
Sue and Debbie for being virgins. Welcome and we hope we see you again.

Thanks to the hares and The Swan for yet another great hash.

On-on
Hash-Scribe

Hash 1227 The Fox Inn at Handley Broadheath. Hares: The Amateur and The Pro.

It was lovely to be out Hashing in the day-light again and we were fortunate for the weather to be warm enough for us to be out in shorts and tee shirts. Considering the distance from Malvern, there was a great turn-out. We were promised 3 1/2 to 4 "country" miles with 4 hash halts and were raring to go. we started fast, mostly downhill and when we found the first HH at 1.2 miles we were glad for a rest. It tuned out, however, that the curious HH symbol there was actually some sort of floury bloop and we had not reached the first stop at all. That was to come after another half mile. We were then taken though some lovely woodland and were treated to spring daffodils and primroses and lovely strong heady smells of wild garlic. We were slightly disconcerted when we reached 3 1/2 miles and felt we had been running mostly downhill. Subsequently it turned out we were 840 feet lower than the pub! The final distance was around 5 1/2 miles.

The Fox, as usual, put on some good beer and a great curry for us.

Down-downs were awarded to:
The Hares: The Amateur and The Pro (or did she escape?)
Skid Mark for his Indiana Jones impersonation sliding down a steep bank "with style".
Glam Gran for wearing new shoes - she just escaped drinking from them!
Patrick for being a virgin. He drove his forfeit down Compost.

It was another great hash. Thanks to the hares and the Fox. It was really good to be out hashing again after a break of too many weeks.

On-On
Hash Scribe

24th March 2009 Hash No 1226 Walter De Cantloupe Hare Wrong

A welcome return of our FRB sybil, a very good turn out on a cold night, although the rain did hold off,
We were led out through the Kempsey housing estate by Unhinged, across the fields to the first halt on the road, sadly missing four of the hashers (no one noticed the Pro missing)
not untill the next halt when lost went to look for them. Across the common where the lost souls caught us up, and then to the last halt and on inn across the foot ball pitch where
Goldtop had an argument with a bad tempered dog (Goldtop won)

Very good run Thanks Wrong.
Down Downs to the Hare
Wrong
Kaptain Kremen (going to another pub cause he couldnt wait for a pint)
Simon Turner (as above)
Thanks to the pub Walter De Cantloupe
The Hare Wrong

Come back Hash Scribe or Understudy.
The Amateur.

17th March 2009 Hash No 1225 Bridge at Stanford Hares Pro and Gone Commando

Nice to see the GM once again, it was a fine dry night with an amazing sunset, we went north up the bridle way towards Crundell farm
and then across the brook to the first halt at the Green. Crossing the main road and still going up hill to the seconed halt on camp lane, a Guiness stop
(St Patricks day) then followed a long descent through a field with a bull to the last halt, and then a short run in along the river bank to the on inn.

Down Downs to the Hares
Pro and Gone Commando
Thanks to the Bridge pub (super fish and chips)
The Hares

The Amateur

10th March Hash 1224 Talbot @ Knightwick Hares Unhinged & Anthrax

Good turn out of hashers and angry farmers, the run went over the old bridge and then across
fields to the first halt at the church, a run out up on to the Worcestershire Way where some odd bod was firing his shotgun,then back down the road to the on inn.

Nice Hash even with the grumpy farmer.Good real ale and a buffet to follow.

Down Downs to Unhinged and Anthrax (Hares)
Amateur for blowing the horn when lost
Ludlow runner for getting lost now named Bottom Feeder

Thanks to the Hares and the Talbot pub.

on on The Amateur.

3 March. Hash 1223 Berkley Arms @ St Johns. Hare: Mona

It was a horrid wet windy day and Mona would not have had fun laying his 65th birthday hash which he did alone. It was, however, another great run. 4 urban miles was just right and the weather was kind to us. Just a tad wet and not too cold and, miraculously, most of the trail had survived. "Two hash halts" he said but he didn't say two stops. From the second HH at Worcester Bridge, we ran along the river, over Sabrina Bridge, back along the other side of the river and then back to the HH! Fortunately it gave Golden Thong and Wrong a chance to catch up. We thought we had lost them.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Wrong for running in a bin-liner and getting lost.
Golden Thong, also for getting lost. They both missed the loop round the river.
Laceless who went to the wrong pub! Angie, how long have you been doing this?
Mona, the hare and birthday boy.
Wong (eventually) drove his DD down Unhinged.

Mona provided ALL the food. Hot pasties and veggie rolls. Brilliant! A collection was taken for the pub charity instead of paying or food and I hope we raised a good sum. It was another great Hash.

Thanks to Mona and the Berkley Arms.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash number 1222. The Hop Pole, Bromyard. Hares: The Pro & Say no More

On this unusually mild evening, my running shorts got their first evening outing for a very long time. The Hash took us out over the lovely countryside around the Bromyard Downs although I have to admit, at the time, I didn't have a clue where we were. It would be lovely to return here in the Summer to better appreciate the views. Another first for a long time - I finished with dry running shoes although we did encounter a certain amount of shiggy, we weren't let down there! An added bonus was the angry farmer. We haven't had one of those for a while either. They are always entertaining. My GPS clocked a tad under 6 1/2 miles - a little more than the quoted 5 and it felt a lot longer than that.

Down-downs were awarded to:
"The Pro" and "Say no More", the hares.
Sharron?, for being a virgin.
"The Amateur" for starting a domestic dispute on the run. (Tut tut!)
"Red Flasher" was renamed "Spit and Flash". If you want to know why, check out the photographs on the Hash FaceBook group. I just can't put it into words!
The Pro (again) for winning the "first old lady home" in the Muddy Woody. (Well done!)

"The Pro" drove hers down Wally - How does he do that?
"Say no More" cheated with the help of Compost (We saw you!)

The Hop Pole put on filled jacket potatoes followed by pancakes. Well it was Shrove Tuesday. It is a lovely pub and they really looked after us. It is a shame to hear that they will be closing this weekend.

Thanks to the pub and the hares for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1221 The Maple Leaf, Worcester. Hare: Late

We had a very pleasant 5.6 mile run through town and country in and around Worcester. The weather was considerably milder than we have had for ages, so it made a nice change to be able to run without wearing Arctic clothing. Somehow whenever we found out where we were, we seemed to get totally lost again, but basically we went from the pub towards the river, followed it for a bit, over King's School playing fields through some bits of Worcester, over the golf course and back to the pub where they had laid on a buffet for us.

It was good to see some old friends waiting for us there - Seaman Stains and Hash Crash (Not Jim) also Mona and Wally who didn't run.

Down-downs were awarded to:
- Tits or Treats for setting off the car alarm during the RA's pre-hash announcements.
- Mona for managing to break his drinking arm at last weeks hash despite not even running it!
- Camouflage for slipping up on the driest safest place of the whole run - an engineered bridge with a non-slip surface.
- The Pro for, well because her little sister, Tits or Treats, borrowed her head torch and then lost it but as she had already been awarded a down-down, The Pro got it. She was, however, reunited with her torch.

To level the playing field, all down-down were done left-handed. Tits or Treats tried to break the slowest drinking record and her forfeit was in danger of evaporating before she finished it. The Pro was determined not to participate and a beer fight between her and Ginge was narrowly averted by The Amateur.

All in all, another great hash. Thanks to Late and The Maple Leaf.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1220. Brewer's Arms, West Malvern. Hare: Lost

This was a challenging hash to lay on account of the several inches of snow around West Malvern and on the Hills. Flour was not going to work so our ingenious hare came up with a gastronomic solution - Bisto and Ketchup! What we could find of the trail took us to the West of England Quarry, up to the Gold Mine then up the ridge to The Beacon where we sang 'Happy Birthday' since it was our hare's 65th birthday. Is was a clear night with a full moon and excellent visibility so we got fantastic views from the top but had to survive an icy Westerly wind. A group huddle got up warmed up again and we descended through deep snow drifts to the saddle then round Sugar Loaf Hill and down Blind George's path back to Westminster Bank then back to the pub.

It was a lovely night to be out, provided you could keep warm and 3 miles was just the right distance for a night like that.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Lost and Bubushka - the hares,
Golden Thong - for descending the hill on his back side.
Chris - for being a virgin

Our virgin made the mistake of declaring that he didn't like bitter so got a pint of bitter with a Baileys top. Golden Thong drove his down Unhinged. Lost was re-christened 'The Bisto Kid' and, for the first time, actually downed his forfeit but probably because it was just a large sherry.

Thanks to Trevor at The Brewer's Arms for putting on an excellent buffet for us and to The Bisto Kid for another great hash.

On-on
Hash Scribe

Hash 1219. The Bell at Lower Broadheath. Hare: Unlaced

This was Angie's 65th birthday hash and she took us around the muddy countryside around Lower Broadheath. We were interested how she was going to lay this hash since it had been snowing and the ground was the same colour as flour! She ingeniously laid it in flour and red powder! No sooner had we set out when it started snowing again causing surreal effects in our torch light. The temperature was around freezing but it had not been cold enough to freeze the puddles, just enough to form an icy crust on the top but not enough to support our weight so we were all running with wet, muddy and freezing feet. Brrr! Angie - how did you find sooo much mud?

After the snow stopped, we had amazing visibility and were treated to cracking views of Worcester Cathedral and the Malvern Hills. After 4 1/2 miles, however, we all got lost - we just couldn't find the trail under the snow, but we had also lost our hare - or had she lost us? Fortunately, as happens, someone knew where we were and how to get back to the pub so, as we were all in need of beer, we cut straight back.

What happened to the hare? I hear you ask. As we ran near her house, she decided to pop in for a quick shower so she could be first back in the pub and be the sweetest smelling! The things people do for a down-down.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Unlaced - the hare and birthday girl
Duvet Lifer - because he's a dad now.
Knotted Knickers - for using the men's toilet. Really!
Cuckoo Clock - Christening for always being smart and punctual

Duvet lifter drove his pint down Jelly Baby and Knotted Knickers down Gone Commando (for dobbing her in!)

Thanks to The Bell for putting on a good chilli for us and to Unlaced for another enjoyable hash.

On-on

Hash Scribe

27/1/08 Hash 1218, The Swan at Newland. Hares: PantBuster & Gone Commando

We narrowly missed a soaking but we didn't miss the mud on this Burns Night hash. Kaptain Kreman entertained us with readings of Burns's 'Ode to A Haggis' at the Hash Halts and Mrs PantBuster dolled out her secret recipe hot toddy at the half-way halt on Malvern Common. We finished back at the Swan after a short 4 miles and enjoyed haggis, neeps and tatties. We had an unusually large turnout this week and it was great to see a good display of assorted tartan on the run and back in the pub. Congratulations to Shag and Gone Commando for wearing their kilts 'properly'. We have all seen the photographs!

The new landlord of the Swan, Duncan Ironmonger, put on some excellent food for us at a very reasonable price and we kept his staff very busy as we tried to drink him dry of his superb beers. They looked after us really well and made us all very welcome.

Down-downs were awarded to:
PantBuster and Gone Commando, the hares.
Ever-ready for being best dressed although she looks better without the beard!
Graham (Crampy) Cramp, Ginny Sharp & Lyn Hiles for being virgins.
Ever-ready expertly drove her beer down Wally at an alarming speed. Ginny and Lyn required some assistance with theirs or we'd still be there now.

Thanks everyone for another great hash.

On-on

Hash Scribe

Hash number 1217, Half-Way House, Bastonford. Hare: Trespasser

We were told this was going to be a muddy run - a very muddy run and we weren't disappointed. I think this must have been the muddiest run I have ever done - ever, in my life. It made the Sodbury Slog look so so tame. It was a beautiful clear frosty evening and it was lovely to be out gallivanting around the Worcestershire countryside. As expected, the Trespasser laid an excellent hash, a tad over 5 miles and we loved all that lovely mud! We got everything from the slippy, sloppy, skanky to the clinging, cloggy, claggy and, from the smell of it, some wasn't mud at all! We generally went down a lovely route towards The Old Hills and back again with some lovely night views over the distant countryside.

The Half Way House put on an excellent buffet for us and at a very reasonable price.

Down-downs were awarded to:
Trespasser - The Hare
Skid Mark - Falling in style
Lost - Falling AND loosing a shoe in the mud!
Hayfever - Having problems following Shag squeezing through a gap
Jane - For being a virgin - What a sport, hope we see you again Jane.

Jane (the virgin) drove her down-down down Ginger and, for some reason, Shag drove skid Mark's down Red Flasher (Who had a great evening - nudge, nudge - wink, wink).

Well done The Trespasser and The Half Way House for another great evening.

On-on

Hash Scribe

Hash Number 1216 Hare R Swipe The Lamb
Wally once told me, about 10 years ago that there was no such thing as a dull Hash, so far he has been right, Tuesdays was no exception we lost the Naughty Nurses. Twice in two weeks we have lost Hashers, not good! It would seem the
FRBs are calling but the middle of the pack are not, so come on lets hear you all the way down the line, we old and slow uns need all the help we can get (?).

Anyway On On (and don’t forget your T shirt!)

Young Kaptain Kremen opened proceedings and whilst most shot off up the hill Unhinged found the correct route followed by Ginger Minge and Gone Commando (up the rear, of the minge), out into the apple orchards (too busy for scrumping) for a muddy first leg and up to the first HH.

This was followed by a steep climb out led by the Amateur & Pro, across the main road and up on to the Worcestershire Way to the second HH. From there ON (ON) a very muddy run across the Worcester Way to the third and last HH. Led out on the correct trail then by Gentle Touch (the witch doctor) who decided it would be nice to have a quick bath in the brook on the way back, back up through the woods with Unhinged, PickEDup, The Amateur, Golden Shower, Bristols and Sybil acting as FRBs, across the football pitch to the On Inn.

Good Hash from R Swipe (laid on his own?) a change from going up the hill.

Thanks also to Ginger Minge and Sybil very eager to venture back into the damp forest to go looking for the LOST damsels in distress, but had to administer Mouth to Mouth to complete the rescue mission!!

**Down Downs to **
The Hare R Swipe
Ever Ready, Jelly Baby & Knotted Knickers (for going AWOL)
Gentle Touch (for not bringing soap to wash in the brook with)
Lulu (newish shoes)
Camouflage (Falling in style) (5 people grassed him in!)
The Virgin (Dave)
Thanks to the Hare and The revitalised Lamb pub.

Hash Scribe



Hash Number 1215 Hares Well Laid & Compost  The Lock Wolverley

Brr, very cold but a full compliment of officers and nearly 30 Hashers.
Kaptain Kremen did the honours & introduced some new Hashers from Wyre Forest Hash, the Hares then gave us the low down on the trail & off we went, led out towards the church by Trench Foot & Hash Quack, a sneaky left footpath & a run up the road led us to a check back which lost the Hash Quack & the Amateur, up through the woods to the road & then left to the first halt. Conditions were extremely slippy with ice & lying snow, Cybil was noted having problems with his traction control system even fell shoes wouldn’t grip.
Off across the fields towards Cookley & a steep decent to the second halt.
The trail was picked up by Gone Commando & Golden Shower & followed the canal tow path & then up on to the common with a fast run back to the On Inn via the tow path. A super Hash, well laid as the name would imply, the flour showed up well and we didn’t have any major accidents (bravo). Chilli & chips to round off the event, what more can you want. Ginger Minge as RA did the Down Downs which went to the Hares

Well Laid
Compost
Wyre Forest Hasher (for having the nerve to turn up)
The Pro (for not missing the Amateur at the halt)
Three brave Hashers (for wearing shorts) Mona, Trespasser & Screw Loose

Thanks to the Hares Well Laid & Compost
The Lock Pub

The Understudy.

Hash Number 1214 Hares Mona and Late Three Nuns Collets Green
So another Hash with no Junta, must be scared of the cold, I can’t comment as I wasn’t out either so this has come to me second hand, if it’s wrong I apologize. Trespasser was still ill with morning sickness so the Hares were Mona and Late.
Mona again did the GM honours & the twenty or so Hashers were led off by The Amateur who promptly went wrong at the first footpath, the trail was picked up by Golden Shower and Specky Pete who led the pack across the fields to the first halt.
Off then towards Bransford Court led by Skidmark and Robo, not much calling going on and the horn wasn’t heard much either (apparently the horn got frozen to the rat under the Amateurs nose) it was minus six though, then a long run out to the second and last halt and a nice run well marked back to the pub via the green. Four miles, six according to Golden Showers gadget, anyway into the
pub to thaw out and a superb buffet (they always look after us well)
Robo kindly agreed to be the RA and did a good job.

Down Downs to
The Hares Mona and Late
Compost (barging at a stile)
Hay Fever (getting lost)

Thanks to the Hares
The Three Nuns

The Understudy


Hash number 1213 Hares The Pro & The Amateur The Nelson Longley Green

Last Hash before Chrimble, no Junta, no GM, Deputy GM, RA, Deputy RA,
no Scribe or Choir master, still 30 odd Hashers out, so  what do we do, we delegate that’s what. Mona became honorary GM and off we went. After some searching and a long check back the pack was led out by Well Laid and the Hash Quack with the Kerb Crawler bringing up the rear (been for a quick roll up) down to the mill where Coathanger picked up the trail, up to a hairpin left where we met an unhappy farmer Giles looking more like Compo than the Amateur, this baint a footpath says our IQ less chap standing right under the footpath sign. On we go Into Halesend woods for some interesting checking (route had been tampered with, probably farmer Giles) anyway all good fun and then out to a halt back on the road.

The second loop was led out by the Pimp and Arswipe and went across the gallops and up into Suckley woods for a muddy run out to the second halt, then up onto the Worcestershire Way with some typical Amateur checks into the next county. Across a couple of fields and out to Suckley church, then to the final halt where we were met by Gone Commando going backwards round the trail. A short run up to Grove hill where both the Pimp and Mona did fantastic dying swan impressions in the mud and down to the On Inn on the path opposite the pub. A good Hash as usual from the Pro and Amateur. Honorary RA went to Gone Commando who did a fine job. Honorary Hash Horn to the Pimp.

Down Downs to the Hares
Kerb Crawler (chainsawing up his partner)
Pimp and Mona (Fallers)
Tits for Treats (New Shoes)
The Stud (For running in football boots)
Cellur ass from LA Hash (for being there)

Thanks to the Hares and the Nelson pub
See you all for the Boxing Day run.

Have a happy Christmas
The Understudy.


Hash Number 1212 - Malvern Rugby Club. Hare: Kaptain Kreman

Since this was run number 1212 and the telephone number of Scotland Yard used to be Whitehall 1212, it was decided that this should be the theme for tonights run. Since this was the night of our Christmas Bash, we had a nice short run - around 3 1/2 miles around Malvern. We were not disappointed by a lack of shiggy either. After about half a mile we were all slopping around in the stuff whilst being lightly rained on. Well done to the Hare for finding so much mud in the middle of Malvern! There was a fairly even split between cops and robbers and the costumes ranged from very sexy police-woman to the disturbing 'Arse Bandit'. We had just one hash halt and, well it had to be done, it was outside the police station! We were not exactly quiet either but we didn't get any reaction from them.

The Ringerike Ceilidh band were, as always, really great despite being a bit confused by our choice of attire. The rugby club, as always, put on a really good meal for us and we all had a really fantastic evening. Hopefully there will be some pictures soon.

Down-downs went to the hare - Kaptain Kreman, Grandma who apparently did (all?) the cooking, Jenny and Yvonne for their help, Anthony and Gwee Mie for being virgins, Drag Queen for best cop and Grazy Knees for best swag bag.

The crime solving competition had us all scratching our heads and nobody managed to solve all the clues. There was a priceless quote from rhubarb: "Those can't possibly be Drag Queen's legs - he's got skinny ones". They turned out to be her very own! Ho-ho! Red Flasher won the star prize with a score of 7 out of 10.

Another brilliant evening and aanother great hash.

On-on

Hash Scribe



Hash 1211 The Railway Inn, Malvern Wells 9 Dec 2008. Hare: Unhinged

Well we expected this to be a short run being AGM night, but then again our hare was Unhinged so, from experience, we knew absolutely anything could happen! We set off up to the Wyche Cutting so we thought we were going to be slogging on further up the hill but we were fooled, we went down the Pixie Steps back onto the Wells Road and then over the golf course towards Poolbrook where we found lots of lovely shiggy and had some spectacular slip-ups, then round the houses a bit, around the QinetiQ perimeter fence and back across the common to the pub. It looked like most people finished up Peachfield Road but there wasn’t any flour there so I think we might have been a bit off track but we had done a good 6 miles so were getting a bit thirsty and we could almost see the pub. All in all it was another good hash. Well done unhinged.

The pub was out of beer before we even started drinking! There was only bottled beer or lager or Guinness on tap. The Hare must have got very thirsty laying this trail to drink the place dry before the pack arrived. The pub grub was mediocre sausages and chips for an astronomical £4 - we have done better here in the past. Unhinged obviously doesn’t have the charm of Red Flasher who got us a much better deal here in September!

The AGM saw two new posts for this Hash up for election - Hash-Scribe went to Pant-Buster (hence these ramblings) and Hash Haberdashery to Gone-Commando. Hash Cash remained with Ever-Ready, Mouth to Mouth and Jelly-Baby. The Amateur kept Hash-Horn and Hash-Webmaster and the Trespasser kept Hare-Raiser. Hash-Flash stayed with Tits-or-Treats, and our GM with Kaptain Kreman. Ginger-Minge remains our RA with Sybil as our new deputy RA. We discussed ways to spend our embarrassing large float and generally felt we should make a charity donation. We decided to address this further on the second hash next year.

Down-downs went to Unhinged, the hare, Golden-Shower, Jelly-Baby and Dennis the Menace for spectacular slip-ups in the shiggy. Alex got christened Tumble-Tots for his remarkable fall. Mouth to Mouth and the Trespasser got them as thank-yous for their contributions to the hash this year - the former drove her drink down Kaptain Kreman and the latter nominated his to the Amateur.

On-on

Hash Scribe